Like_rAin.yoUr-teArs~FalL

optional...

2003-10-09T02:23:48Z

im so sorry...

the trees spread there leaves all over the frosted ground
dead as my thoughts,leaves fall down into words without a sound
sun kissed days and multi-couloured star hosted nights
drowned out all the dullness of your cool ignorance
smeared memories and scars are all that remind you of what was
and you smell those days of complete content and feel his arms around you once again

i focus on the pain the only thing thats real,

bandages

2003-10-04T22:19:12Z

markham fair last night was interesting...afterwards i was cold wet tired and a little lonly. i said some stuff i didnt mean and i did some stuff i didn't want

gah...when will this end?

girlstrange @ 2003-09-10T21:34:00

2003-09-11T01:37:40Z

today was uhh interesting...well actually i wish it was

life is getting less and less

i saw ev today i miss her in an indescribable amount we didnt really talk...i wish we did

i got my courses fixed

i went to ALL my classes today! yay go me!

wow life is dull....

i must watch south park now...gooodnight forever

nothing compares

2003-09-05T23:37:51Z

im quiting
im quiting my friends
im quiting dancing
i wish i could quit school
i quit you
should i quit living

i went to the doctor guess what he told me? girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do... but hes a fool

Freedom is the opening of a box full of clumsy unread words.
Flowing out from deep inside a defaced object is a cluster of expressions.
Open it and you can see a teeming collection of senseless words.
They detonate for your eyes to see and escape through your utterances.
Unlocked and callow this box lets each word become emancipated.
Streaming and unorganized each word is experienced one by one.
This sentence is a modern emotive; forcing you to read on.
Adjacent to you, this box sat for moment in time; until it was shut up.
Subsequent to this it lay quiet and dusty waiting for a hand with an intention to let it speak again.

In a Dream I could only be myself.
The day would hold such a different fate.
My parent’s screams could go unheard.
Your mouth would kiss me leaving me assured
We’d never fight and by no means would tears sting my bloodshot eyes.
Like the birds we scared out of that inverted tree,
Without running away even I could be free.
Only in a dream could I feel so alive and my life have the impression of being half-way.
When I awake I crave sleep.
Only in my desire could our relationship be deep.
My unconscious fills me with a picture of perfection,
Only to be wrinkled by the sound of a screaming in my ear.
I could be anything in this fantasy world of mine
But most importantly who I yearn to be.
A girl who doesn’t cry herself dry
And who doesn’t disappoint you when she tries.
So maybe ill slip into a dream forever…
A fantasy where I have no fear of being myself.

In my dreams I can be free.
In the fake affections my dreams display,
I don’t feel this comfort during my day.
The counterfeit oxygen I breathe is pulling me deep
Im so attached to the memories I keep.
This unreality has taken me back to the summer.
As we inhale the new summer to come; we exhale out our pain.
We lie on my trampoline till midnight, laughing and acting totally insane.
All the tears and smiles we’ve deemed could not be tainted.
With these unique moments I was reacquainted.
Splashing and racing our lives away in the sun;
September we thought would never come.
Only in dreams could these possibilities exist
That I could rewind time and see the moments I missed.
A million times I will awake
My vagary soon sees a haunting brake.
All around me are tears and things that mean nothing.
I open my eyes and the room is bluffing.
My dream has ended and the snow is thick
On and on my life will move this is insufficiently tragic.
Moments of full subconscious allure, are all you think about during the day.
You’re swept up in those artificial dreams taking you away.

These thoughts I think arnt meant for anyone
And these aftificial tears are jewellery I where to show how much you really know

</ljcut>

i dont no myself

2003-09-02T01:47:47Z

ohh and uhh listen...if you need me go back two months thats where ill be

see you in july

im loving my final moments here in the future....

girlstrange @ 2003-08-28T23:24:00

2003-08-29T04:27:05Z

<td bgcolor="#000000">Who will play you:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Jack Black </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Who will play your love interest:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Tobey Maguire </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Weeks you will stay in the box office:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">19</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Song that will play during your love scene:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Berlin - Sex (I'm a) </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Song that will play during your death:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Lynyrd Skynyrd - Freebird </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your name:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr>

Your Life: The Movie by mintyduck

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Favorite Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your fate</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Reincarnated,women's bike seat </td></tr>

The Afterlife, V1.0 by silentounce

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your LJ username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your real name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your sex</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your age</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your last words will be...</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">"sex?!!?" </td></tr>

What will your last words be? by cum_on_bitch

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Your medieval name is: Magdalen. Out of conformity
and inducing sexual meaning, you're seductive
and passionate, silent until spoken to and only
violet when provoked. Gorgeous and mysterious,
you've got it all.

What is your Medieval name?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......no

DEVIL/PAN
"the joker, worker, stabilizer"
You are gifted when it comes to protecting yourself
from judgements cast upon you by others. In
fact, you are not easily thrown by external
reality. You have the capacity to work and
play hard and to laugh at yourself. This is
the card of humour and sexuality (it is the
only card with genital symbols).
"Devil" spelled backwards is
"lived", and it is very fitting. You
live with humour and have a stable foothold on
life. Of course, you do love setting the
occasional bit of mischief into play.

which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results
brought to you by Quizilla

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your eye colour</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Hair colour and length</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">black, shoulder-length </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Place of residence</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Toronto </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Sexual orientation</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">swings in every direction </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Special Quirk</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">smothers food in catsup </td></tr>

Instant Bishounen! by mizery

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Band Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Weezer </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Role</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Bassist </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Trademark</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Dark-Rimmed "Emo" Glasses </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Love Interest</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Guy Who Works At Wal-Mart </td></tr>

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Birthday</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Destiny</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Destroyer of Human kind </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Date when you fufill your destiny</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">August 8, 2022</td></tr>

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Sexuality</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Age</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Most Likely to Say</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">"Oh just twist it, make a point, and stick it in." </td></tr>

What Are You Most Likely to Utter During Sex by UMAJohnnie

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

notes: congrats to you your lonly

2003-08-27T01:21:46Z

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla............yes this is why all my relationships work out SO well!!! (note the sarcasm)

well, ive decided yet again to write in my LJ! wahoo...well, not really i dont really like writing about my life an stuff so ill mostly jus write poems and random thoughts but yah...watevr i wont hav much time at all as soon as school starts.......

your feet as cold as mine, my red tear soaked eyes shine bright we are happy, but for how long? We are shattered adolescents who long to be children jsut to deem our childhood once again. Now as asthetic individuals we run in the grass, our silence is the artificial

HOLD ME CLOSER___________________________________________________________________________
your feet as cold as mine, my red tear soaked eyes shine bright we are happy, but for how long? We are shattered adolescents who long to be children just to deem our childhood once again. Now as asthetic individuals we run in the grass, our silence is the artificial beauty we crave, my confidence in your words has coutless unexplainable possibilities. As you shiver, your back hard on the pavement, the stars in your eyes, we postpone our perceptive utterances and hold close this moment of complete understanding. the black paint ive smeared on the wall is a premonition of nothing at all, this opaque image i percieve is enigmatic to myself, but this security is captivating and the time we spend togetehr is short but it makes me miss you all the more. the excitment in your words percolates over me. i tickle and cinge with little spurts of pain. Im so callow but direct and i feel like reality is finding me inside. i hate my life but i love you right now please hold me closer and keep me here to stay. here in our playground where we can laugh and cry all day..out on your roof we sit in the sun holding onto our last breathe of summer we exhale together the car pulls in and the shattered mirrior i once saw myself in repairs for i am not on the path less taken and my future only points to a desk where i will sit...looking out on one inane pane of glass that holds nothing to our dark summer days and warm summer nights] my window will become my plaform which i wish that i could slowly descend from. your imperfect face rushes back to my mind i held out my hand an you took it that night my feet are so cold and my eyes fill with tears. as they pour down my face i am content with your embrace PLEASE hold me closer~

BLACK AND WHITE GRAY AND YELLOW____________________________________________________________

you sit you stare
looking back pretending to care
please dont predict me word for word
you dont know me
purple paper's all i see
stop your complaining before i drop away

do you want in from the outside
its a cool night
where the stars fall to pieces just for you
looking in you dominate
and looking in i see your fate
the shapes are bent and cant find a place to stand

depending on you is not my choice
you dont even look to hear my voice
but the waters jsut to cold to let you drown
i hate this you crave this stop being such an ass hole

ok like 20 months ago i started this poem but couldnt think of any way to end it...here it is

FIRST KISS....(**how original**)_______________________________________________________________________

I saw you i looked into your eyes day after
we walked by one another then swiftly walked away you were so distant your name was not a care i just saw you and understood you
you didn't care
one day i stood by you and started to chatter
we both looked at each other connected
and nothing else seemed to matter
i held your hand then you brounght me near
i saw your eyes and mine filled with tears
your arms around my waist
and with decisions we were faced
you leaned in beside my lips
i felt your hands placed solidly on my hips
then in that moment we stood in the hall not feeling the presence of anyone at all.
just you and me the two of us there
my hand brushing through your soft light brown hair
then we pushed away having nothing more to say
that moment was to long to take
you left my there and hate filled my callow heart
akward and trapped i fell to the floor i sat there all day not making a sound
curled up like a person who'd jsut lost what theyd found
i felt images and feelings i never experienced before
in the dark i sat all by my own
till a tall secret man asked me why i was there
i told him our story and said i was confused
he seemed strange and funny almost amused
he then directed me to the exit and onto the street
my feet hit the pavement like glass hits a hammer
and the beauty of the rain really had NO glamour
he then disappeared without a sound
there i was left once again...no one around
...stars seemed to shine bright above my head
and when i would see you was a moment id dread
the next day i woke up
you woke up beside me and you touched my head
our lips met and silence was all around
isolation and lonliness were pushed to the ground

i am..._______________________________________________________________________________________________

I am morgan. I am young.
Everyday I feel a bit better about all that happened to me as a child.

I am morgan. I am myself.
Myself is not me.
I stay off by myself and figure most everything out.

I am morgan. I am dark.
I walk down a path in the darkness I gather my head and all that is falling out from it
I wonder, you just have to wonder, what the world has come to.

I am morgan. Never thinking.
You should just let the emmotions you have wear you out. Never think about it. You just make a bigger mess that way.

Deep. Deep and regular and far off, off and away from the abuse and the person in my life.
Wish. I wish I had eyes in the back of my head so I could look back at them and put them behind me.
Rage. I have rage and desire for the lightning to come and strike them.
Learn. Learn by your mistakes.
Death. I stood over her hoping she was the last dead person I knew for a while.
Live. She did not live but at least I did not slip into a dark lonely dream beside her unresponsive body.
Myself. I stay.
Get away. I need to cry. Shout.
Pain. Get that pain out of morgan.
Someone else. Then she won’t have to be someone else.

they walked in her room..her belongings still there but there was an absence a deep absence that was felt.... like looking in her eyes....deep an silent blue like her life. a sadness you could nevr capture was what i thought of her. someone i handt seen in a while....i pictured her eyes an i saw her smile once more something i hadnt seen in a while could this be true was she jsut like you had she left me an cried all alone with no smile? was i really never there were her parents never home was i too far away for her to reach me late at night? she didnt leave me n e thing for my acceptance to take place
a letter

while your heart beat drives you mad in the stillness of rmembering what you had an what you lost.........

</ljcut>

Get away. I need to cry. Shout.

Pain. Get that pain out of morgan.
Someone else. Then she won’t have to be someone else.

girlstrange @ 2003-08-26T00:00:00

2003-08-26T04:01:57Z

i am cool cuz i learneded how to do stuff!!</ljcut>

yupp.....

2003-07-31T21:02:56Z

ok since it is the last day of july an half my summer has passed me by already...i felt it necessary to write an entry in here....yes i hav had a interesting summer but very slow activity wise....well yah.....thats all i have to say. except this .....

Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you a sad girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Chorus

Baby, I love you
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

yup....

girlstrange @ 2003-07-07T19:44:00

2003-07-07T23:48:36Z

ok this is the last entry for a while im bored of this livejournal nonsense plus i dont feel like typing n e more...lock me up
throw me away
tear your eyes
blur your sight
for i am gone
gone away
in the end everythings ok
but nothings ok
this must be the end
i am hurt
you hurt me deep
this lock you found
this lock you keep
~bye for a while ~xeLa

code plz!

2003-07-05T03:06:39Z

i need a code.....................plz! anyone plz!!

maybe i would rather it with u

2003-07-04T19:13:32Z

i think id b good for u an ud b good 4 me

me an taylor talked on the fone last night from 130ish am till 530ish am

interesting talk yes it was

im getting sick

im camping this weekend wish me luck with the fam blah :(

geeeeeeez sumer has sucked so far

i want mike now!

~xelA

apple peeeeeeeeel

2003-07-04T03:43:06Z

while i lay here
in our unmade bed
thinking about the words u jus said
lying here waiting, watching u cry
makes me feel dire like i should die
who gives a damn about how i feel
i jus sat there like an apple waiting for you to remove my peel
i jsut wait an hope whatch an hour pass by
waiting for u to culmnate a sentence of words
that would make me feel like somone cared
and not want to cry
but no
your jus leaving me there
in a cold lonly apartment room
helpless
an apple still lying there with a peel
no dont even pretend u no what i feel......

i co wrote this poem with my sister....shes 11 an she comes to me with this book of poems...they were amazing....

as i slit my wrist
i wondered if
life was worth living
who cares what people say
i would have done it anyway
one day will my last
but not today
as i wrap a bandage round and round my wrist
thanking god
i had enough blood left to think of this

peanut butter bagle

2003-07-02T15:46:00Z

01. When/How did we meet?

02. Have we ever met in person & have we hung out?

03. What was your 1st impression of me?

04. Have we ever talked on the phone?

05. Have you ever seen me cry?

06. Have you ever seen me dance?

07. Have you ever seen me in my underwear?

08. If you could spend a day with me, what would we do?

09. Have we ever gotten in a fight?

10. If you could give me a gift, what would it be?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Would you kiss me?

13. What major thing do we have in common?

14. What is my best feature?

15. What is my worst feature ?

16. Have you ever made me laugh/have i ever made you laugh ?

17. Describe me using four or less words

18. Would you make out with me?

hehe i copied this from laura...please fill out for me!:)

today was the stouffville fire works....ummm burning

giancarlo lit a firework but it went all CrAzY and when he lit it, it hit him in the back he almost had a heart attack.....i saw jake..oh hotness...chris normandeau followed me around the whole time and natalie and karla joked that he still likes me thne karla and natalie kept walking an chris invited me back to his house then in turn i invited meghan she agreed to come so i called my mom...no answer...natalie was my ride so i said we had to walk to karla's to catch up with natalie to make sure her mom could still take us home...then chris walked with me to karla's all the wya to tenth line...he lives all the way on the other side of town...hehe..i also saw damien who had a very odd reaction to me..they all said id changed so much but damien the most...
john felix was there i also saw anthony...well, yay i cant say much for the girls i prefer hanging out with the guys they are more fun the girls jus bitch an backstab........natalie and karla are great though i dont mind them sometimes.....ooo so complicated

i watched how to lose a guy in 10 days...everytime they kissed or said soemthing about love it made my mind directly drift to mike and how much i miss him...i wanna c him if only for 10 minutes jsut to tell him that he is so important to me..that hes different ...i jsut feel this feeling around him that i no is different ive nevr been like this with a guy before usually by this point in a relationship with a guy im thinking of ways to break up without breaking a heart...but with mike all im thinking about is how to keep him and to keep from breaking my heart or me breaking his..nopt that i ever would....i jsut dont know if he feels the same i jsu wanna find a way to ask without freaking him out jsut anyway i can ask or tell him how i feel without scaring him away without coming off stupid or being an idiot...the first thing i wanna do when i see him is kiss him and clumsily hold his hand... oh gotta love the cheesy romance......but its all so true...oh my so many feelings so confused...will it all be the same after the summer?? will we be the same people as today??

i cut my hair its short now like shoulder length everyone says it looks good but...eee i duno??? um yes well, i think i shoudl slepe maybe ?? hehe

i love you...

there's so much on my mind
so much left to find
so many undone buttons
so many left behind
to much summer to count the stars
and the green is fading no longer ours
the badness of our thinking is taking all control
the blood that stains my carpet is burrowing a new hole
your skin is light. dark are your eyes
i look in their reflection and i see blind lies

black and white...so bored of the samness

2003-07-01T20:42:40Z

new icon makes me laugh....hehe haha....o god i need a life...

who wants to help me??
i need to know how do i put pics on my LJ background my LJ is so plain an ugly an black an white....ewe...ok well...gimme a reply if u can help...thanks!!!~

~xEla

girlstrange @ 2003-06-30T02:33:00

2003-06-30T22:44:56Z

last day of june...ah breath it in...spit it out

someone had to pay the price

2003-06-30T05:40:46Z

this is the end...ill nevr look into your eyes again
ill never feel the endless freedom of those deep blue eyes
yes this is the end
the end of me
the end of me
yes this is the end of the girl that did
this is the end of the girl that would
this is the end of me

i fucking hate everything... who said these are the best years of ur life...they should be locked up....... all i found so far during these years is that life isnt easy...its sure as hell is not a free ride..ur parents fucked you ovr......nobody is gonna really except u for who you are...... being somone differnet isnt worth it.....and being yourself isnt worth it

i come undone
you come to me
there it drips
blood drips down
down the crack
down my arms
up my viens
its back again the usual rush
im back again
you noticed
i blushed
breath it in
breathe it out
pass it around
its almost out
a barrier
one i could put up
then i couldnt feel
i couldnt feel the harshness..
the harshness of their words
then id sink
then id die
calling late
cus theres nothign else to do
you do it to
every me
every you
burn the stars that torch the sky
everytime you often cry
my candle burns to cold this time
take the wax
comit the perfect crime
but no one can
an no one will
take my hand
take this pill
swallow it fast
itll heal ur soul
that is what they said
now im outta control
carving ur name
pretending its art
can you blame me you ter me apart
there she stands dressed in blue
there i stand in front of you
little prom girl
she sits an waits
there she sits going on dates
there the blue water pulls her down
nothing can stop her she might as well drown
blue ice
u used to be nice

times have changed now things are better (thats a lie)

fuck the rents

2003-06-30T03:47:59Z

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

yah really R rated...fuck parents

weekend was good...amazing in fact...
sitting on nats sriveway 2 cops pass...o god

500am smoking cig's getting high jsu amazing

karlas house late night chats out till 10;00 (hehe)
seeing you once again wow its been forever
mint choc hot choc haha
ooo good times
stouffvilles strawberry festivle hehe
i hate parents i jsut fucking hate them

ah apples an banana's

2003-06-27T20:59:50Z

amanda
alex
trampoline
late night chats
thunderstorm
1 million sleeping bags
feeling cold
hiding from the rain
sleeping
totally freezing
3;30am
run inside
thunderclaps
sleep
basement
cool
moldy
hard couch
no pillow
no blankets
i million wet sleeping bags
1 million sorries

that was my night last night o good times

tonight im off to natalies witch im only partially looking forward to

then tomorrow strawberry festivle

tomorrow night karlas

sunday party my house 5;00

well, im off to vacuum

enjoy your summer while i partialy enjoy mine

~XelA

watching chinese television

2003-06-26T20:38:52Z

im watching chinese TV this is thuroughly scaring me..........
here are some sites u should check out!!
they both make me laugh
the first is my friend hilalry's she has a band called the papaerclips they are amazing so go check out her website
www.paperclipband.com
my friend hillary an i along with my cusin used to have a shity little band togetehr hehe or at least we tried but now hillary is realli making it on her own we r sooo proud.......

plus inspired by ev, i was talking to my friend ryan about ill mitch becuz he was telling me how he knows him an has met him an it made me laugh so this is ill mitch's website u can be one of his "special" fans this makes me laugh a lot!!!

www.illmitch.com

ok well, thats jsu a lil fun for u on this extremly boring summer day!!!
so enjoy
and enjoy

ohh how i love it!!!

~xelA

girlstrange @ 2003-06-25T13:40:00

2003-06-25T17:49:00Z

What Exploding Dog Art Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hehe today i was so bore diw ent searching for that stupid website the one were u jsut keep clicking ok...hehe oh damn its only 1;40.....argh this is ass...im soooooo bored like AHHHHHHHHHHH call me.....bored bored bored i think ill stare out the window for a few minutes ok that was boring (**i actually did it**) trees are wavy i gotta get outta here....going crazy!~? i think ill jsu sleep my life away...but sleep is so far...its way to hot....i wish mike were here....damn school i wanted to go y does it have to be so damned far away??????? boring boring boring...mike oooo man how i wish he was here...damnit all........im tired,im bored and i hav lack of appetite what am i supposed to do....its to hot...my summer is shit...shit shit shit..............good bye

no wiat i have nothing better to do so i will keep on typing pointlessness........click click clack goes my key board....insane goes my head...im seriosuly turning into a crazy lady with cats and a ring.....swimming oooooo pool ill brb swimming ahhh save thee..................

ok back umm well that was refreshing

if u wanna come ovr we will sleep in tents in my back yard just write me a random snetence an then u hav my permission to come to my house yes just show up under your freeeeeee will
bored
bored
bored
bored
bored
swimming
bored
bored
bored
bored
clean room
bored
bored
bored
bored
ahhhhhhhh
bye
~XELa

im assuming your a relative...yes....and you are his...niece...an after mr lewis leaves i will not s

2003-06-22T21:32:41Z

1)First Grade Teacher: Mrs.Tabone
2) Last word you said: shit...opps
3) Last song you sang: donna Lewis i love you always forever
4) Last person you hugged: hmmmm....my mom before she left
6) Last time you said 'I love you': i dunno
7) Last time you cried: friday night...im gonna miss you girly's
8) What's in your CD player: ummm burnt cd but other than that dashboard
9) What color socks are you wearing: none my feet are green with grass stains
10) What's under your bed: i gotta look be right back...a box a stool (its short) a peanut butter granola bar
11) What time did you wake up today: 1:03 exactly i always look at my clock when i wake up...
12) Current taste: choc frosting from dunkaroo's
13) Current hair: a mess
14) Current clothes: my plaidy pants and my black bra
15) Current annoyance: my face hurts its burnt so im red
16) Current longing: salt water orrrrrrrr ice cream
17) Current desktop picture: "get lost"
18) Current worry: he doesnt love me....
19) Current hate: hang over
20) Story behind your LJ username: i dunno im kinda strange im a girl why not??
21) Current favourite article of clothing: little to nothing...seriously its to hot for clothes
22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex: eyes and hair...mike has nice teeth and i realized thats nice also
23) Last CD that you bought: don't remember i burn my music
24) Favourite place to be: in the sand pits in the middle of the forest i love it...booji
25) Least favourite place: room 236 at UHS
26) Time you wake up in the morning: diff times but sor school like usually 709 my bus comes at 710
27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: drums
28) Favorite color: sunset colours the sunrise is to bright
29) Do you believe in an afterlife: yes yes yes
30) How tall are you: i duno kinda tall kinda short i guess u could call me medium height
31) Current favourite word/saying: have a nice bad mood
32) Favorite book: lovely bones
33) Favorite season: SUMMER! after the sun came out on saturday morning i couldnt evn guess why we hav winter
34) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: everyone... but mostly my grandfather.....
35) Favorite day: june 11
36) Where do you want to go: paris...an im going but if i could go ANYWHERE iw oudl go anywhere but here
37) What is your career going to be like?: not a cubicle
38) How many kids do you want?: 4 kids i want a large family
39) What kind of car will you have: none i will take the bus i like to observe people...
40) Type a line you remember from any book: it was my vision of heaven ...no ones but mine
41) A random lyric: when i said i wnated to take you i meant "as is"

wow...interesting...pretty woman...i love it...dirty dancing...i love it....empire records open till midnight...i love it....movie marathon with my sister.... :)

summer amazing can i ever go back...>?

~XELa

girlstrange @ 2003-06-20T01:31:00

2003-06-20T05:32:39Z

holy father time...that last entry was a fucking novel....to bad nobody will read it..

i wish i could educate u all.but thy will hunt u to the ground an kill u all.the season of the bitch

2003-06-20T05:31:18Z

why do you always do this to me??

for the first time last night i smelt summer i seriously was so overcome with emotion..tears stung my eyes

do you notice that when you are holding tears back they actually DO sting

"you were the last good thing i ever saw"

ok wow so much to write...just a ton
so many good so many bad...so much confusion...so happy...then so sad...but jsut so amazingly happy

FREE.

i never knew what that word meant...until...well, i still really dont understand...but then i just think of all those unplanned unknown days of early july then to the begining of a free august then the excitment of september only to be shattered by homework and more hard times.....life is such a routine...a routine i will break...grade nine did not suck it was not total shit...and most of all it was so not a waste of time...after i finished my final exam today...i jsut couldnt believe it was over...i have never known myself this well, not once before i have nevr been so awake and so immune to my surroundings...ive never realized how stupid all those people are i call my friends...not once have i evr noticed this and sudenly i feel better .....im so much better then you i dont need you...you are NOT my friend because if you were you would have never done this to me and so for the first time in my life i will call you a bitch i will call you a bitch and mean it...you are truly a bitch and i relaized that...all in one day this has come to me....
i cringe at the word BITcH but thats the only word that has come to mind......

as i look back on the people i once knew
the people who i THOUGHT were "BETTER" than me....theyre going no where and theres nothing they can do to stop that and im sorry but u will end up exactly like everyone saw but that you failed to reconignize...thats jsut the way life is.....now as i unfold my legs out from underneath me i feel cold and remember the yelling and the words my friend spewed from her unexperienced mouth..."your such a whore i cant believe your leaving us all to go to UHS what do you think your better than us?...i thought we were all gonna stick together..be friends forever...well thats what i thought n e way....but i guess not huh alex? you are better than us arnt u??.....

I am

as i read ISI's LJ and the comment on the year end video and how it made our school look so amazing when behind all the hugs and smiles it was just horrible ...filled with fake people ....fake society...just totally fake and stupid...i did see the point but i also realized that those are the moments we live for... though few and far between nobody really understands the signifigance of a hug or a goodbye....hugging someone you hate...jsut in that moment you two were one you shared soemthing....goodbye...goodbye is such a powerfull word what does good bye mean?? will you evr see that person again?? think about the words good Bye....and as you say them to everyone you have known and loved and hated and kissed and hugged or bitched and complained at jsut think what if this realli was the last time you were ever going to see them and even though you do hate them... mean it when you hug them and make it a point for it to be a Good bye dont be selfish...bcuz thats wat she would do ..and shes wrong...

well, something that pissed me off totally today jsut fucked up and racked my mind once again....is the fact that i have never doen n e thing to hurt either of you so why do you hurt me so much...and better yet why do i care.. why does this matter so much to me?? maybe becuz i thought we had a friendship not jsut with one of you but both of you and then you backstab me like this jsut fucking go behind my back and totally tear me apart mayb im just nieve mayb im jsut stupid but when i called you my "GOOD" friend i actually meant it... i dont bullshit...jsut think before you act no wait.. act before you think...because your thinking seems to be fucked....jsut what is wrong with you two??... think about this what have i evr done to you this isnt my fault...i dont deserve this shit.....especially from you two...realli jsut not you to no offence but i dont care about your problems anymore dont take your life out on me...jsut becuz you fuked up your past dont fuck up my future..i dont deserve your shit..FUCK YOU...i ge tshit from everyoen i dont need it from yuo...rite now you are low...lower then minty peice of green gum stuck to the bottom of my shoes...im so mad rite now i could swear at you all night..but instead i do not clal you..instead i contain myself...i hold it all in...but one day ill break and ill tell him all the horrible things youve doen to me behind my back..and how youve toyed with me..not jsut me..but my sanity..my feelings..even my health...yah that day when i was breaking down it was becuz of you the both of you...so plz jsut fuck off and leave me alone... and yes she did tell me... o she told me everything becuz unlike the both of you i have amazing friends who i trust and they trust me...they know i wont hit them when theyre down or break theyre self esteem when they are up....you c it took me a while but now i c there is a difference between people like you and me...i feel and i see... you on the other hand you are blind and emotionless...just give up the act....i would seirously just love to come rite up to you and say this instead of sinking to your level and thinking it all behind your back.. i would love to walk up to you and say this...unlike you i have class and the desentcy to not play these games rite now i guess i have no choice but to play along...please i dont wanna make this harder then it has to be just tell me....stop the lies

ill knock you down...ill pick you up

hey so r u coming??
umm uh nope
y not??
i made plans..
o you mad eplans??...umm may i ask...what kinda plans
well i made palns with a friend of mine
ok i told you about this over 3 weeks ago...
well uhh
this is so important to me...what r ur plans??
we r goign to the uhhh movies
the movies?? cant you do that ne other night of the week? liekt his is important
no i uhh already made plans i said
ok i have to go i dont hav time for this
ok umm im sorry bye
slam...down went the reciever

so thats it...again were back...except this time there are no surprises

so once again i state the fact that i am free..
but after writing all this
it realli jsut doesnt feel that way
FREE?

study study exams are crudy...and so i said what about breakfast at tiffanys??

2003-06-17T03:31:30Z

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and i have done well by their names
just the kindness i've lavished on strangers
is more than i can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so i would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
till i'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a phoenix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying past

i'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and i would like to state for the record
i did everything that i could do
i'm not saying that i'm a saint
i just don't want to live that way
no, i will never be a saint
but i will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

we drove the car to the top of the parking ramp
on the 4th of july
we sat out on the hood with a couple of warm beers and watched the fireworks
explode in the sky
and there was an exodus of birds from the trees
but they didnt know, we were only pretending
and the people all looked up and looked pleased
and the birds flew around like the whole world was ending
and i don't think war is noble
and i don't like to think that love is like war
but i got a big hot cherry bomb, and i want to slip it through the mail slot
of your front door

you can't leave me here
i've got your back now
you'd better have mine
cause you say the coast is clear
but you say that all the time

so many sheep i quit counting
sleepless and embarrassed about the way that i feel
trying to make mole hills out of mountains
building base camp at the bottom of a really big deal
and did i tell you how i stopped eating?
when you stopped calling me
and i was cramped up shitting rivers for weeks
and pretending that i was finally free

and you can't leave me here
now that your back
you'd better stay this time
cause you say the coast is clear
but you say that all the time

we drove the car to the top of the parking ramp,
on the 4th of july
and i planted my dusty boots on the bumper and sat out on the hood,
and looked up at the sky

you can't hide
behind social graces
so don't try
to be all touchy feely
cuz you lie
in my face of all places
but i've got no
problem with that really

what bugs me
is that you believe what you're saying
what bothers me
is that you don't know how you feel
what scares me
is that while you're telling me stories
you actually
believe that they are real

and i've got
no illusions about you
and guess what?
i never did
and when i said
when i said i'll take it
i meant,
i meant as is

just give up
and admit you're an asshole
you would be
in some good company
i think you'd find
that your friends would forgive you
or maybe i
am just speaking for me

cuz when i look around
i think this, this is good enough
and i try to laugh
at whatever life brings
cuz when i look down
i just miss all the good stuff
when i look up
i just trip over things

and i've got
no illusions about you...

you can't hide
behind social graces
cuz i don't buy it
like everyone else
and you can lie
in my face of all places
just don't
lie to yourself

cuz i've got
no illusions about you
and guess what?
i never did
and when i say
when i say i'll take it
i mean,
i mean as is...

...as is...

how come someone elses words can say it better than me....

study study...exams are crudy...i made that up to make me laugh during studying

cus love is like falling and falling is like this....