Like_rAin.yoUr-teArs~FalL

10:22PM - optional...

im so sorry...

the trees spread there leaves all over the frosted ground
dead as my thoughts,leaves fall down into words without a sound
sun kissed days and multi-couloured star hosted nights
drowned out all the dullness of your cool ignorance
smeared memories and scars are all that remind you of what was
and you smell those days of complete content and feel his arms around you once again

i focus on the pain the only thing thats real,

6:17PM - bandages

markham fair last night was interesting...afterwards i was cold wet tired and a little lonly. i said some stuff i didnt mean and i did some stuff i didn't want

gah...when will this end?

9:34PM

today was uhh interesting...well actually i wish it was

life is getting less and less

i saw ev today i miss her in an indescribable amount we didnt really talk...i wish we did

i got my courses fixed

i went to ALL my classes today! yay go me!

wow life is dull....

i must watch south park now...gooodnight forever

7:31PM - nothing compares

im quiting
im quiting my friends
im quiting dancing
i wish i could quit school
i quit you
should i quit living

i went to the doctor guess what he told me? girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do... but hes a fool

( kiss me beneath the milky twilight )

9:46PM - i dont no myself

ohh and uhh listen...if you need me go back two months thats where ill be


see you in july

im loving my final moments here in the future....

11:24PM

<td bgcolor="#000000">Who will play you:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Jack Black </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Who will play your love interest:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Tobey Maguire </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Weeks you will stay in the box office:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">19</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Song that will play during your love scene:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Berlin - Sex (I'm a) </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Song that will play during your death:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Lynyrd Skynyrd - Freebird </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your name:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr>

Your Life: The Movie by mintyduck
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Favorite Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your fate</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Reincarnated,women's bike seat </td></tr>

The Afterlife, V1.0 by silentounce
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your LJ username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your real name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your sex</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your age</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your last words will be...</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">"sex?!!?" </td></tr>

What will your last words be? by cum_on_bitch
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Your medieval name is: Magdalen. Out of conformity
and inducing sexual meaning, you're seductive
and passionate, silent until spoken to and only
violet when provoked. Gorgeous and mysterious,
you've got it all.


What is your Medieval name?
brought to you by Quizilla


hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......no


DEVIL/PAN
"the joker, worker, stabilizer"
You are gifted when it comes to protecting yourself
from judgements cast upon you by others. In
fact, you are not easily thrown by external
reality. You have the capacity to work and
play hard and to laugh at yourself. This is
the card of humour and sexuality (it is the
only card with genital symbols).
"Devil" spelled backwards is
"lived", and it is very fitting. You
live with humour and have a stable foothold on
life. Of course, you do love setting the
occasional bit of mischief into play.


which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results
brought to you by Quizilla


<td bgcolor="#000000">Your username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your eye colour</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Hair colour and length</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">black, shoulder-length </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Place of residence</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Toronto </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Sexual orientation</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">swings in every direction </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Special Quirk</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">smothers food in catsup </td></tr>

Instant Bishounen! by mizery
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Band Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Weezer </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Role</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Bassist </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Trademark</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Dark-Rimmed "Emo" Glasses </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Love Interest</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Guy Who Works At Wal-Mart </td></tr>

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Birthday</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Destiny</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Destroyer of Human kind </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Date when you fufill your destiny</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">August 8, 2022</td></tr>

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, running through the tarmac! It is Girlstrange, hands clutching a thorned whip! She screams gutterally: "I'm seriously going to fuck you like a rabid gangsta bitch, and plug you into a power plant!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

<td bgcolor="#000000">Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Sexuality</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Age</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Most Likely to Say</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">"Oh just twist it, make a point, and stick it in." </td></tr>

What Are You Most Likely to Utter During Sex by UMAJohnnie
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

7:12PM - notes: congrats to you your lonly

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla............yes this is why all my relationships work out SO well!!! (note the sarcasm)

well, ive decided yet again to write in my LJ! wahoo...well, not really i dont really like writing about my life an stuff so ill mostly jus write poems and random thoughts but yah...watevr i wont hav much time at all as soon as school starts.......

your feet as cold as mine, my red tear soaked eyes shine bright we are happy, but for how long? We are shattered adolescents who long to be children jsut to deem our childhood once again. Now as asthetic individuals we run in the grass, our silence is the artificial

( more? take your anger out on me... )

12:00AM

( hmmmmmm just testing )

4:49PM - yupp.....

ok since it is the last day of july an half my summer has passed me by already...i felt it necessary to write an entry in here....yes i hav had a interesting summer but very slow activity wise....well yah.....thats all i have to say. except this .....

Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you a sad girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Chorus

Baby, I love you
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

yup....

7:44PM

ok this is the last entry for a while im bored of this livejournal nonsense plus i dont feel like typing n e more...lock me up
throw me away
tear your eyes
blur your sight
for i am gone
gone away
in the end everythings ok
but nothings ok
this must be the end
i am hurt
you hurt me deep
this lock you found
this lock you keep
~bye for a while ~xeLa

11:05PM - code plz!

i need a code.....................plz! anyone plz!!

3:10PM - maybe i would rather it with u

i think id b good for u an ud b good 4 me

me an taylor talked on the fone last night from 130ish am till 530ish am

interesting talk yes it was

im getting sick

im camping this weekend wish me luck with the fam blah :(

geeeeeeez sumer has sucked so far

i want mike now!

~xelA

11:34PM - apple peeeeeeeeel

while i lay here
in our unmade bed
thinking about the words u jus said
lying here waiting, watching u cry
makes me feel dire like i should die
who gives a damn about how i feel
i jus sat there like an apple waiting for you to remove my peel
i jsut wait an hope whatch an hour pass by
waiting for u to culmnate a sentence of words
that would make me feel like somone cared
and not want to cry
but no
your jus leaving me there
in a cold lonly apartment room
helpless
an apple still lying there with a peel
no dont even pretend u no what i feel......

i co wrote this poem with my sister....shes 11 an she comes to me with this book of poems...they were amazing....

as i slit my wrist
i wondered if
life was worth living
who cares what people say
i would have done it anyway
one day will my last
but not today
as i wrap a bandage round and round my wrist
thanking god
i had enough blood left to think of this

2:28AM - peanut butter bagle

01. When/How did we meet?

02. Have we ever met in person & have we hung out?

03. What was your 1st impression of me?

04. Have we ever talked on the phone?

05. Have you ever seen me cry?

06. Have you ever seen me dance?

07. Have you ever seen me in my underwear?

08. If you could spend a day with me, what would we do?

09. Have we ever gotten in a fight?

10. If you could give me a gift, what would it be?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Would you kiss me?

13. What major thing do we have in common?

14. What is my best feature?

15. What is my worst feature ?

16. Have you ever made me laugh/have i ever made you laugh ?

17. Describe me using four or less words

18. Would you make out with me?


hehe i copied this from laura...please fill out for me!:)




today was the stouffville fire works....ummm burning

giancarlo lit a firework but it went all CrAzY and when he lit it, it hit him in the back he almost had a heart attack.....i saw jake..oh hotness...chris normandeau followed me around the whole time and natalie and karla joked that he still likes me thne karla and natalie kept walking an chris invited me back to his house then in turn i invited meghan she agreed to come so i called my mom...no answer...natalie was my ride so i said we had to walk to karla's to catch up with natalie to make sure her mom could still take us home...then chris walked with me to karla's all the wya to tenth line...he lives all the way on the other side of town...hehe..i also saw damien who had a very odd reaction to me..they all said id changed so much but damien the most...
john felix was there i also saw anthony...well, yay i cant say much for the girls i prefer hanging out with the guys they are more fun the girls jus bitch an backstab........natalie and karla are great though i dont mind them sometimes.....ooo so complicated

i watched how to lose a guy in 10 days...everytime they kissed or said soemthing about love it made my mind directly drift to mike and how much i miss him...i wanna c him if only for 10 minutes jsut to tell him that he is so important to me..that hes different ...i jsut feel this feeling around him that i no is different ive nevr been like this with a guy before usually by this point in a relationship with a guy im thinking of ways to break up without breaking a heart...but with mike all im thinking about is how to keep him and to keep from breaking my heart or me breaking his..nopt that i ever would....i jsut dont know if he feels the same i jsu wanna find a way to ask without freaking him out jsut anyway i can ask or tell him how i feel without scaring him away without coming off stupid or being an idiot...the first thing i wanna do when i see him is kiss him and clumsily hold his hand... oh gotta love the cheesy romance......but its all so true...oh my so many feelings so confused...will it all be the same after the summer?? will we be the same people as today??

i cut my hair its short now like shoulder length everyone says it looks good but...eee i duno??? um yes well, i think i shoudl slepe maybe ?? hehe




i love you...

there's so much on my mind
so much left to find
so many undone buttons
so many left behind
to much summer to count the stars
and the green is fading no longer ours
the badness of our thinking is taking all control
the blood that stains my carpet is burrowing a new hole
your skin is light. dark are your eyes
i look in their reflection and i see blind lies

4:41PM - black and white...so bored of the samness

new icon makes me laugh....hehe haha....o god i need a life...

who wants to help me??
i need to know how do i put pics on my LJ background my LJ is so plain an ugly an black an white....ewe...ok well...gimme a reply if u can help...thanks!!!~

~xEla

2:33AM

last day of june...ah breath it in...spit it out

12:57AM - someone had to pay the price

this is the end...ill nevr look into your eyes again
ill never feel the endless freedom of those deep blue eyes
yes this is the end
the end of me
the end of me
yes this is the end of the girl that did
this is the end of the girl that would
this is the end of me

i fucking hate everything... who said these are the best years of ur life...they should be locked up....... all i found so far during these years is that life isnt easy...its sure as hell is not a free ride..ur parents fucked you ovr......nobody is gonna really except u for who you are...... being somone differnet isnt worth it.....and being yourself isnt worth it

i come undone
you come to me
there it drips
blood drips down
down the crack
down my arms
up my viens
its back again the usual rush
im back again
you noticed
i blushed
breath it in
breathe it out
pass it around
its almost out
a barrier
one i could put up
then i couldnt feel
i couldnt feel the harshness..
the harshness of their words
then id sink
then id die
calling late
cus theres nothign else to do
you do it to
every me
every you
burn the stars that torch the sky
everytime you often cry
my candle burns to cold this time
take the wax
comit the perfect crime
but no one can
an no one will
take my hand
take this pill
swallow it fast
itll heal ur soul
that is what they said
now im outta control
carving ur name
pretending its art
can you blame me you ter me apart
there she stands dressed in blue
there i stand in front of you
little prom girl
she sits an waits
there she sits going on dates
there the blue water pulls her down
nothing can stop her she might as well drown
blue ice
u used to be nice




times have changed now things are better (thats a lie)

11:45PM - fuck the rents

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

yah really R rated...fuck parents

weekend was good...amazing in fact...
sitting on nats sriveway 2 cops pass...o god

500am smoking cig's getting high jsu amazing


karlas house late night chats out till 10;00 (hehe)
seeing you once again wow its been forever
mint choc hot choc haha
ooo good times
stouffvilles strawberry festivle hehe
i hate parents i jsut fucking hate them

4:31PM - ah apples an banana's

amanda
alex
trampoline
late night chats
thunderstorm
1 million sleeping bags
feeling cold
hiding from the rain
sleeping
totally freezing
3;30am
run inside
thunderclaps
sleep
basement
cool
moldy
hard couch
no pillow
no blankets
i million wet sleeping bags
1 million sorries

that was my night last night o good times

tonight im off to natalies witch im only partially looking forward to

then tomorrow strawberry festivle

tomorrow night karlas

sunday party my house 5;00

well, im off to vacuum



enjoy your summer while i partialy enjoy mine

~XelA

4:35PM - watching chinese television

im watching chinese TV this is thuroughly scaring me..........
here are some sites u should check out!!
they both make me laugh
the first is my friend hilalry's she has a band called the papaerclips they are amazing so go check out her website
www.paperclipband.com
my friend hillary an i along with my cusin used to have a shity little band togetehr hehe or at least we tried but now hillary is realli making it on her own we r sooo proud.......

plus inspired by ev, i was talking to my friend ryan about ill mitch becuz he was telling me how he knows him an has met him an it made me laugh so this is ill mitch's website u can be one of his "special" fans this makes me laugh a lot!!!

www.illmitch.com

ok well, thats jsu a lil fun for u on this extremly boring summer day!!!
so enjoy
and enjoy

ohh how i love it!!!

~xelA